Getting the first assessment, and what to do when your partner isn't ready

The first step to getting an assessment in BC is talking to your family doctor or pediatrician. They refer you to an assessment team. Or you can go the private route if you don't want to wait. Either way, that referral conversation is where you start.

While you wait, you can also call PAIRS (formerly Autism Information Services BC) at 1-844-878-4700. You don't need a diagnosis to call them. They can tell you what support you might already qualify for.

When your partner isn't ready

That part is easy. The harder part is what happens at home.

I hear this from moms all the time. She sees it. She's seen it for months, maybe longer. She wants to move forward. Her partner doesn't want to hear it. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

This is usually the first real fight you have as an advocate for your kid. Before the funding forms. Before the school meetings. Before any of it. Nobody warns you that advocacy starts at your own kitchen table.

Why he said no

It's usually not about denying the child. It's fear of the label. Fear of what it means for their kid, their family, how people will see all of it. That fear is real, even when it looks like stubbornness.

The truth about labels

Here's the thing. Without an assessment, your kid still gets labeled. Just with the wrong words. Difficult. Too sensitive. Bad listener. Those labels don't come with any support attached. They just stick.

A diagnosis works differently. It's your child's information. You and your partner decide together how to use it. But sharing it with their school matters. That's how they actually get help. The choice of when and how still stays with your family.

What actually helped

Not more evidence. He'd already seen what I'd seen. What helped was time. And knowing the diagnosis was information we controlled, not a life sentence.

Greg was with me from the start. He never pushed back. But someone still has to pick up the phone and start the paperwork. That was me. It's usually one parent who carries it forward, even when you're both on the same page.

You don't need his buy-in to start

If your partner is stuck, you don't need him on board to begin. Starting this process on your own, even when it's hard, is still moving your kid forward. It won't be the last hard conversation you have as their advocate.

I walk through the whole assessment process step by step in the BC Autism Assessment Guide, so you're not figuring it out blind like I was. Comment GUIDES below and I'll send you the link to grab it.